His Life of Luxury Was Short-Lived
Henry II of France came from very regal beginnings indeed. The second son of the infamous King Francis “the Big Nose” I and his wife Claude, Duchess of Brittany, he was born the “Duke of Orleans” - ad he lived like a Duke, in the luxurious Château de Saint-Germain-en-Laye.
But it wasn’t long before this pampered existence was brutally snatched away from him. You see, his father was most well known for his long and costly war with Charles V and the Holy Roman Emperor - and when this came to a disastrous head during the Battle of Pavia - Henry’s life changed completely.
His Father Traded Him for His Freedom
The Battle of Pavia ended with Henry’s father, King Francis, being captured and held as a prisoner in Spain. What he did to get himself out though was truly unbelievable. In a desperate bid to return to his homeland of France, he traded his two sons for his own freedom.
That's right, at just seven years old Henry’s own father sent him as a captive to Spain. And, to make things even worse, Charle V offered King Francis the chance to pay a ransom in order to free his sons - but he didn't want to pay up! So, Henry ended up spending four years as a prisoner, and let’s just say it was not a happy childhood.
He Grew-Up Imprisoned in a Spanish Castle
Despite their royal status, Henry and his brother were treated just like anyone else when it came to being prisoners and from the age of seven to 11, Henry was left locked in a castle, never knowing what his fate was.
And so, with little else to do, Henry began to think of fond memories to keep him going. And it is said that it was one particular farewell kiss that was his fondest - a kiss that came from the infamous Diane de Poitiers, who would come to play a very big part in Henry’s story indeed.
He Had a Loveless Marriage at Just 14
Diane de Poitiers was 20 years his senior and Henry was besotted with her. But at just 14, it wasn't appropriate for him to marry a 34-year-old woman, and so instead, on returning to France, he married Catherine de Medici.
Catherine was also 14 and has been described as “small of stature, and thin, and without delicate features, but having the protruding eyes peculiar to the Medici family”. She was nothing like the older woman of his dreams - and he made sure she knew that she didn’t match up.
They Got Off to a Very Awkward Start
Nonetheless, they had a beautiful wedding. Catherine was wealthy and Henry was royal, so it seemed like the perfect match - although their wedding night was far from perfect. As was the tradition in the day, Henry's dad aka the King of France, actually watched them officially consummate the marriage -
he marriage of two fourteen-year-old strangers let us remind you. And as horrific as that sounds, what's even worse is that he reported back about it saying that they “showed valor in the joust.” But if that night was disastrous, it was nothing compared to how their marriage turned out.
The Return of Diane De Poitiers
Despite having the perfect wedding it wasn't long before it became clear to everyone that Henry and Catherine did not have the perfect marriage. And the reason it was so clear was that Henry made absolutely no attempt whatsoever to hide it.
He had numerous affairs with women whom he would proudly bring to the Palace right before the court - and his wife’s - eyes. And his favorite of these women was, of course, none other than Diane de Poitiers - from the infamous kiss. She was back and things were about to get weird.
He Was in Love With a (Much) Older Woman
If you remember rightly, Diane de Poitier was two decades Henry’s senior - so you can imagine how bizarre it was when at 35 she became the 15-year-old Duke’s chief mistress. What was even more bizarre, however, was how to open Henry was about their relationship.
He even went against tradition and wore her colors at tournaments (black and white) instead of his wife's colors of Medici gold and red - and made it plain for the whole of France to see. This love triangle had an even stranger twist though.
His Mistress Made Him Sleep With His Wife
Henry made no bones about preferring to sleep with his mature, confident chief mistress over his young and uncomfortable wife. But oddly (yes this does get even weirder) it was his mistress, Diane de Poitiers, who actually encouraged Henry to sleep with Catherine.
Acknowledging that he needed to produce an heir, she would force him into his wife's bed chambers to fulfill his royal duty - and poor Catherine had no choice but to oblige. But she had bigger problems around the corner.
His Wife Was Accused of Murdering His Brother
Henry was clearly having the time of his life - but that all changed when out of nowhere, his brother Francis died. Now, Francis was a young, fit man who went out one day to play tennis and returned so sick that he dropped dead within days.
No one could believe it - how could he suddenly die with no known cause? So naturally, suspicions began to arise - and rumors that he was poisoned buzzed around the court. The problem was - the person they accused of doing it was none other than Henry’s wife … Catherine de Medici.
Henry Became the Heir to the Throne
Catherine came from the Medici line and the Medicis were known for poisoning people - so it was pretty easy to be two and two together. Also, she had a motive as with Francis gone she was in line to become the Queen of France. In the end, however, it was an Italian man who had come as a part of her entourage who took the blame.
He was forced by the authorities to admit to poisoning Francis - although whether or not he actually did we’ll never know. What we do know though, is that Henry’s carefree lifestyle was well and truly over - or at least it should have been anyway.
They Took Drastic Measures to Conceive
Henry made have had free reign to take older mistresses when he was just second in line to the throne - but now that he was first, things had changed and the pressure was on to produce an heir. The problem was - Catherine wasn’t getting pregnant.
They had been trying for years with no luck and she knew that if she failed now that it wouldn’t be long before her King would leave her. And so she resorted to some desperate home remedies to fix the problem - including covering certain 'private' areas in cow dung, drinking mule urine, and even casting spells. But it would take more than magic to fix this problem.
Henry Had Some Faulty Equipment
No matter what Catherine tried, nothing would work and there was one reason why - Henry. It turns out it was actually Henry who couldn't have a baby. He had, to use the scientific term - a penile deformity - which is a condition that makes it very hard to impregnate a woman.
And so poor Catherine didn't stand a chance. The trouble was, everyone was too scared to tell Henry the truth and so Catherine had to take the blame for what was really Henry’s problem … or so they thought.
Henry Got His Mistress Pregnant
The whole court by now secretly knew of Henry’s “manhood” issues and that he would probably never bare a child. And so it came as a complete shock when in 1537 he did in fact manage to get a girl pregnant. The problem was, however, that the girl wasn't his wife - it was one of his many mistresses, Philippa Duci.
![Henry Got His Mistress Pregnant](https://posts-cdn.kueez.net/gf0BvFwGmkDIUt0q/image-1jIKYXsXucpSivdl.jpg)
This was a disaster for Catherine. Not only was her husband having a child with another woman but it also confirmed that it was her fault that they couldn’t conceive after all. And things only got worse when in a bid to prove his previously questioned “manhood” Henry publicly acknowledged his bastard child. Luckily, however, Catherine had one final trick up her sleeve.
They Called the Sex Doctor
In one final attempt to make their marriage work - before Henry ditched her completely - Catherine called in Dr. Jean Fernal, a sex and fertility expert, and surprisingly it worked! He did some tests, gave some tips, and voila! After 11 long years, Catherine finally welcomed a child -
and it was a boy (thank goodness). They named him Francis after Henry’s dad (and brother) and he turned out to be the first of many - as once they had nailed the doctor's tips they went on to have eight more!
Henry Was Crowned the King of France
On the same day that he turned 28, Henry's father, King Francis I, died. And in doing so he gave Henry one hell of a birthday present - the crown! Some of his final words were about how the crown had been a curse but unfortunately -
Henry did not heed these words and went on to make some bizarre decisions, the first of which was yet another blow for the long-suffering Catherine. He decided not to give her any power or influence within the court at all - and instead gave it all to his chief mistress, the infamous Diane de Poitiers.
He Put His Mistress in Charge
Being 20 years his senior - and let's face it - the love of his life, it made sense that Henry immediately turned to Diane to take charge. So, as soon as he ascended the throne, he sought her advice on all of his decisions and gave her the official role of writing his letters.
As such all of his correspondence was signed “HenriDiane” - just in case there was anyone left in France who still didn't know that these two were an item. But it wasn't just in the court that she was superior to his wife - it was in his personal life too.
He Humiliated His Wife and Queen
Henry's relationship with Diane was downright humiliating for his wife, Catherine - and Henry knew it. What was worse though was that he would actively use it against her - like the time when she asked for the Château de Chenonceau -
a castle that was built on top of a river near Pairs, and he bought it for Diane instead. Or the fact that he would frequently lay on Diane's lap in court whilst fondling her breasts ... But things were about to get a whole lot worse for Catherine.
He Almost Lost His Wife During Childbirth
a castle that was built on top of a river near Pairs, and he bought it for Diane instead. Or the fact that he would frequently lay on Diane's lap in court whilst fondling her breasts ... But things were about to get a whole lot worse for Catherine.
And as if staving off death and losing a daughter wasn't bad enough, seven weeks later Catherine got another crushing blow when the daughter who had survived, also died. Catherine was distraught - and Henry was about to make things a whole lot worse.
He Abandoned His Grieving Wife
Just when Catherine thought things couldn't get any worse - the doctor told her that after the complications she had suffered during her last birth she could have no more children. Now, having given Henry nine heirs already, you would think that she had quite done her duty -
but not in Henry’s eyes. He saw this as the green light to finally abandon his wife and pour all of his attention into Diane de Poitiers. And together this bizarre couple was about to make some pretty big political decisions.
His Son Married Mary Queen of Scots
One of Henry's most notable political moves during his reign as the King of France, was when he decided to marry his son to Mary Queen of Scots. She had grown up in his court and he saw it as the perfect opportunity to form an alliance that hadn't been attempted in years - between France and Scotland.
![His Son Married Mary Queen of Scots](https://posts-cdn.kueez.net/gf0BvFwGmkDIUt0q/image-gGYTQBZ6NqCTTyKr.jpg)
And if his plan succeeded, his grandson would become both the King of France and Scotland - giving him a claim to the throne of England! Henry was so determined to make this work that he even had Mary sign documents that were entirely against Scottish law, which stated that Scotland would be ruled by France even if she didn't bare a son with Francis. But something was about to come along that would distract him entirely.
He Had Three Illegitimate Children
When Mary Queen of Scots moved in, she brought with her a whole team of ladies in waiting - including Janet Stewart. And for Henry, it was love (or at least lust) at first sight. And so he went about cheating on both his wife and his chief mistress - and had an illegitimate child with her.
![He Had Three Illegitimate Children](https://posts-cdn.kueez.net/gf0BvFwGmkDIUt0q/image-SzotI2kGTMszea6a.jpg)
Janet, unfortunately, got the blame for this and was thrown straight out of France, but their son, Henri Bâtard de Valois, went on to be the most well-known of all of Henry's illegitimate children. He ended up having three in total - bringing his child count up to 11. Not bad for a man with penile dysfunction!
He Became a Ruthless Ruler of France
Henry II of France wasn't just a catholic - he was a staunch catholic who had a lot of power and zero tolerance for the French protestants, otherwise known as the Huguenots. And when we say zero tolerance we mean he would cut their tounges out and burn them at the stake.
![He Became a Ruthless Ruler of France](https://posts-cdn.kueez.net/gf0BvFwGmkDIUt0q/image-Kkx8KVR0tddRr8P9.jpg)
So it got to a stage in his reign where if you weren't catholic you simply couldn't safely stay in France. And to make the country even more terrifying, they were at war with the Holy Roman Empire - a war that would end up resulting in Henry’s demise.
He Entered a Deathly Jousting Match
To end the war, Henry signed a peace treaty in 1559 and sealed it by marrying one of his daughters, Elisabeth, to King Philip II of Spain - and allied with France and Spain whilst doing so. So pleased was he with this deal, that to celebrate the marriage Henry decided to put on a huge tournament that would include a jousting match -
a brutal sport that just so happened to be his absolute favorite. Unfortunately, however, as he was getting older, he was becoming less steady during matches, and as such his wife begged him not to go ahead with it. It’s no surprise, however, that he decided not to listen to her - and unfortunately lived to regret it.
He Was Knocked Off of His Horse
Jousting at 40 is no mean feat, so you kind of have to hope that your opponents are going to go lightly on you because you're the King. And that is exactly what the Duke of Guise and the Duke of Nemours did when he defeated them both.
![He Was Knocked Off of His Horse](https://posts-cdn.kueez.net/gf0BvFwGmkDIUt0q/image-PK4xOk7jj84oBLIk.jpg)
It turns out, however, that Gabriel de Montgomery did not get the memo and when it came to his turn to joust, he knocked the King straight off of his saddle. But things were about to get worse.
He Suffered a Very Public and Gruesome Accident
Despite the blow, Henry still wasn't ready to give up, and so he got back on his horse - only to be greeted with a lance right to the face - which split and left splinters in his head and eyes. As soon as he received the blow, blood immediately started pouring out of his helmet for the whole audience to see, and it was said to be so gruesome that Catherine, Diane, and his son all passed out on the spot.
![He Suffered a Very Public and Gruesome Accident](https://posts-cdn.kueez.net/gf0BvFwGmkDIUt0q/image-UNv93ELTlIQC1htI.jpg)
The doctors immediately brought him inside and managed to remove five of the splinters from his skull but one had entered his brain and there was nothing they could do but wait for the inevitable.
He Slowly Began To Deteriorate
Whether it was lucky or not we’re not sure, but somehow these horrific injuries didn't actually kill the King straight away. Instead, he managed to stay alive - but it probably would have been better for him if he hadn't.
At first, things seemed positive with Henry even listening to music and being able to complete small tasks. But over time he lost his sight before eventually losing his mind completely. He did, however, make one final bizarre decision before doing so.
He Regretted His Final Act of Kindness
It was Gabriel de Montogomery who was responsible for Henry's gruesome end (well and Henry himself of course for organizing and participating in the whole thing in the first place). And you might think that he was killed or at least banished as a result - but it was quite the opposite.
Whether it was because he wasn't thinking straight at this point we don't know but in his final days, the famously ruthless King Henry II decided to completely absolve Montgomery of all responsibility for his accident. Unfortunately for him, however, Montgomery showed him no loyalty in return and went on to fight against his son in a battle and champion the protestant religion. Probably best then that Henry didn't live to see that happen.
His Wife Got Her Final Revenge
Despite all that he had done to her, Catherine still stayed by her husband's side throughout his final days. He had a pretty grim way of thanking her though and made it his dying wish to see Diane de Poitiers. But for once Catherine was in control and she wasn't afraid to use it.
So, not only did she deny him his final (repeated) wish and make him die without saying goodbye to his one true love, but she also wouldn't let her come to the funeral. Catherine was in charge now and she wanted people to know it.
His Wife Finally Rose to Power
Henry finally succumbed to his injuries and passed away on July 10, 1559 - and immediately Catherine transformed. Dressed in black and with a broken lance as her new emblem, rather than portraying the grieving wife as intended, it merely added to her new image as a ruthless ruler and she became known as "The Black Queen of France".
Suppressed and disrespected her whole life, she finally had some power and with her doting children at her mercy, she exerted control as the Imperious Queen Mother of France. And one of her first acts was to banish Diane de Potiers out of Paris and into obscurity. We have to say - she had that coming.
He Invented Something We Still Use Today
As well as a legacy of utter debauchery and scandal - Henry II of France also left behind eleven children, an heir to the throne, a very feisty widow, and one pretty amazing invention. Unebelavbly, it was in fact Henry II who invented the patent!
He was the first person to ever pass a law that said that an inventor could patent their idea to ensure that no one copied it. And patents are still used all over the world to this day. So, at least that's one good thing he left behind!