From pop starlet to movie star to fashion pioneer to all-around icon, she’s done it all over a career spanning almost half a century. She’s an entertainer, an author, a businesswoman, and so much more. At home, however, she’s simply “Mom” and she has some very singular ideas about what that means. Here are 40 fascinating rules Madonna has for her kids.
Bad Cop
“I’m bad cop. I’m not the popular parent,” Madonna has said of the parenting situation in her home. With six children - Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon, Rocco Ritchie, David Banda, Mercy James, Stella Ciccone, and Esther Ciccone - somebody needs to be responsible for keeping order in the house.
Madonna could leave it up to her nannies, or let her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, take the role of disciplinarian, but the back seat is not her style. Instead, she is happy to play “bad cop” if it means bringing her children up the way she believes is correct.
No Dating
Now, this is a much more common household rule, especially for those with younger kids. These days, however, most teenagers like to date, even if it's just a trip to the movies and a milkshake. Madonna insists her kids must be 18 before they begin going on dates.
One of Madonna’s daughters, Lourdes Leon, did test this boundary and attempted to date the actor Timothee Chalamet when she was just 16. Madonna was furious when she found out but eventually relented. Further dates were only allowed under the supervision of a bodyguard and, of course, Madonna got to choose the bodyguard.
Stay Clean
Hygiene is important, especially in recent times, and Madonna is just one of the billions of parents who will insist on regular hand washing and general basic cleanliness from their kids. As with many things in her life, Madonna does take this to the next level, and might even be considered by some to be a little obsessive.
Madonna’s kids are under strict instructions to wash their hands with disinfectant as soon as they enter the house, before and after playing with any toys, and after they’ve touched any pets.
Say No to The Shave
Female body hair has become a contentious issue over the years with opinions divided over whether removing is a simple beauty or style choice, or a symptom of something more insidious. Madonna is firmly in the second camp, and she’s been very clear to her four daughters about it.
“Popular girls have to behave to get the boys,” Madonna once told Harper’s Bazaar. “I refused to shave. I had hairy armpits.” At least one of Madonna’s daughters, Lourdes, has come to share her mother’s opinions and is often seen on the runway proudly displaying her hairy armpits and legs.
Stay Checked In
Madonna is a woman who likes to be in the know, especially when it comes to where her kids are and what they are doing. Each of Madonna’s six kids is expected to check in with her a minimum of three times a day and make sure she is always aware of who they are with, where they are going, and why.
Not having smartphones makes this more difficult, but we’re sure one of the kids’ security detail will have the means of communication with their mom. Six kids, three times a day, the admin for Madonna is a job in itself!
Blessed Water
There are a lot of families who don’t like to drink from the faucet, even in places where it is perfectly safe. Despite the damage done by single-use plastics, bottled water is still hugely popular with those who can afford it and you wouldn’t be surprised to learn Madonna’s family enjoyed only branded bottled water.
Of course, Madonna has taken this a step further. While her kids are generally free to choose their own religious and spiritual paths, Madonna insists they drink only water that has been blessed by leaders of her own religious discipline, Kabbalah. It has been reported Madonna spends up to $10,000 every month to maintain this rule.
No Stranger’s Books
Madonna is extremely restrictive about what books she allows her children to read. As it happens, Madonna has written several books in her life, including eight children's books, and these are the only ones her children are allowed to read.
Hopefully, the youngsters at least stick to titles such as The English Roses, The Adventures of Abdi, and Mr. Peabody’s Apple, rather than some of the more adult-oriented books from their mom’s catalog.
No Phones
“I made a mistake when I gave my older children phones when they were 13,” Madonna has said. “It ended my relationship with [my children], really. Not completely, but it became a very, very big part of their lives.” As a result, none of Madonna's six children are allowed smartphones, only the singing icon herself is permitted to bring one into the house.
It’s a tough call, considering four of her six kids are now teenagers or older. How many teenagers do you know who wouldn’t consider losing their phone to be worse than losing a limb?
Life Is Public
“Blonde ambition” was the caption for an Instagram post Madonna made showing her son Rocco wearing pigtails in his hair. Apparently, the teenager begged his mom to take the image down but she stood firm.
Mom is in charge and she can post anything she wishes. With no smartphones of their own, it’s tougher for the kids to get their revenge on any of their mom’s embarrassing oversharing, so Madonna gets to keep complete control of her own carefully curated image.
Everyone Eats the Same
Fermented soy sauce, fish, legumes, vegetables, and whole grains are the key ingredients found in Madonna’s strict macrobiotic diet. The pop star has kept to an ultra-healthy diet for decades, and she expects her kids to do the same.
No unapproved food is allowed to be brought into the house and Madonna’s chef is instructed to prepare only the healthiest of meals for everyone in the household. Since birth, all six of Madonna’s kids have followed the same diet as their mom.
Media Blackout
No matter how much her own television and magazine appearances may have boosted her career, Madonna refuses to allow anybody else’s to come into her own house. “TV is trash. I was raised without it. I didn’t miss anything,” she has said.
“TV is poison. No one even talks about it around here. We don’t have magazines or newspapers in the house either.” No phones, no television, no magazines. How are the Madonna kids supposed to know anything about what is happening in the world?
Spiritual Toys
No, this doesn’t mean Madonna encourages her kids to play with ouija boards. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When Madonna laid out the terms of her separation from Guy Ritchie, she insisted that their kids should not be allowed to play with any toys that are “spiritually unsound” no matter whose house they were staying at.
What exactly that term means is up for debate, but it seems the toys should be ethical and carry a positive message. So, probably no Grand Theft Auto.
Stay Natural
When Madonna buys clothes for her kids, or her stylists do, she has some strict and simple rules. No man-made fibers should ever be worn on her children’s bodies. Madonna believes natural fabrics like wool and cotton are safer and healthier and therefore these should be the only things to touch her kids’ skin.
Of course, not every parent can afford this luxury when kids grow so fast, especially when there are six of them, but Madonna is probably okay.
Silent Nights
When Melissa Dumas stopped working as a nanny for Madonna, she had some secrets to share, and one she might have had to whisper. Dumas told TheTalko that Madonna “won’t allow anybody to make noise in the house while she’s sleeping – not even running water for showers.”
It seems that even though the family wealth came from making noise - or music as she probably prefers to have it called - Madonna doesn’t want to hear it in her own house. Silence is golden, and the kids are expected to keep it that way.
Mom Doesn’t Cook
“I don’t think I’ve ever cooked a meal entirely by myself,” Madonna once told ABC. Not entirely surprising for a woman who was world-famous from her early twenties and has been able to employ personal chefs her entire adult life, but my celebrities do like to be more hands-on in the kitchen, especially after they have kids.
Madonna herself is not interested, though she has noted her kids are happy to help out, something she appreciates after a busy day. “My kids all cook really good,” Madonna has said. ”After a long day at the office I want to come home and find dinner on the table.”
No Staying Out
What age was your curfew when you were 12, 16, 18, or 21? Every parent is different with this rule but there are some general societal norms depending on a few factors, including the safety of the neighborhood and the trustworthiness of the kids. Apparently, Madonna’s curfew times are at the particularly strict end of the scale, something which didn’t suit Rocco Ritchie very much at all.
At the age of 21, it’s perhaps natural that Rocco was keen to move away from the nest and its many strict rules, and he is believed to have preferred his father’s house for many years now. The biggest benefits of living with Guy Ritchie are, reportedly, that Rocco can “meet his friends, eat fast food, [and] he doesn’t have an early curfew.”
No D-I-V-O-R-C-E Talk
Madonna was married to Guy Ritchie from 2000 to 2008 and, during that time, the British actor and director played a big part in helping to raise David, Lourdes, and Rocco. So, when the divorce did come, it was no doubt a tough time for the household.
Today, Madonna prefers to keep her kids focused on the future, not the disruptions of the past, and any talk of divorce is completely banned from their home. Kids, visitors, staff, Madonna has absolutely no room for “any discussion of it in her house”.
Keep It Tidy
Just because Madonna can afford to pay for cleaners to follow each of her kids around tidying up after them 24/7, doesn’t mean she’s happy for any of her children to get into disrespectful habits. When Lourdes began leaving her clothes around on floors, Madonna instituted a rule that anything abandoned would be confiscated.
Before too long, Lourdes found she had nothing left to wear. “She has to earn all of her clothes back by being tidy, picking up things in her room, making her bed in the morning,” Madonna declared. That’s one way to teach your kids to take responsibility for themselves.
No Meetings Until Marriage
After separating from Madonna, Guy Ritchie lived the single life for around seven years. Obviously, the divorced dad dated during that time, and Madonna was very clear about the protocol for how that should work in relation to their children. Madonna’s sons were not allowed to meet any of Ritchie’s new girlfriends.
Presumably, she wanted to avoid them becoming emotionally attached to women who weren’t going to be part of the family for the long term. Ritchie married Jacqui Ainsley in 2015, which we assume meant a change in this particular rule. Strangely, there was never any similar girlfriend-meeting ban placed on Madonna’s daughters.
Note Your Privilege
Lourdes and Rocco are Madonna’s only biological children, the other four she adopted from Malawi with the intention of giving them a life of improved opportunity. The singer is keen that, regardless of their origins, none of her children forget how lucky they are.
“I regularly remind my children how fortunate they are to have the things they do and encourage them to share,” Madonna has said. “My daughter [Lourdes] goes to children’s hospitals to read my books to other children, and as she and my son get older, I’m sure they will become more involved in community service.”
No Dye
Another restriction in the Madonna household is that none of her children are allowed to dye their hair before the age of 16. This is something that caused particular frustration to Lourdes once she entered her teens.
Accusations of hypocrisy are understandable when Madonna has been famously dying her hair blonde, amongst other dramatic styles, for most of her life. Perhaps it’s a case of Madonna not wanting her kids to make the mistakes she did by damaging their hair at too young an age. Perhaps she just wants to make sure they stay kids and don’t grow up too fast.
Education, Education, Education
Madonna can afford to send all her children to the best possible schools so, of course, she does. Before dropping out of college and beginning her pop career, Madonna was a high-flying high school student and she is keen for her children to apply themselves academically too.
Madonna is clear, however, that they cannot simply buy their education. She will spend whatever it takes to help her kids but, if she feels they are wasting the opportunities she provides for them, she will take those opportunities away. Strict, but fair.
Holiday Gratitude
“What I am most THANKFUL for!” Madonna posted on Instagram. “My children have led me down roads and opened doors I never imagined I’d walk through.” The images attached were of a family trip to Malawi, the birthplace of four of Madonna’s children, during one holiday season.
Rather than lavish Thanksgiving feasts, or costume parties and carved pumpkins, Madonna felt it was important that her family paid homage to their routes and to the traditions of their heritage. This is another part of the Kabbalah religious discipline Madonna has chosen to follow.
Stay Close
What’s a question female celebrities are constantly asked that male celebrities aren’t? How do you balance your career with your family? Despite critics suggesting Madonna’s kids should be given the stability of staying at home as she jets around the world for work, even if it is in the care of nannies, Madonna has her own ideas.
The pop star’s kids are regularly taken on tour with their mom and have even appeared on stage with her over the years. Everyone will have their own opinion, but Madonna will always do her things her way.
All For One
You might think some of the demands and rules Madonna puts on her kids are a little over the top, but she gives back 100% too. If one kid has a dream, Madonna ensures everyone is behind them. David Banda is a dancer today, but he was once accepted into the Benfica Youth Academy with the dream of becoming a soccer player.
Madonna not only encouraged David to go but took the whole family to live in Portugal while he trained. Similarly, when Rocco showed ambitions of becoming an artist, Madonna contacted everyone she knew in London who might give him the right advice and assistance.
Mind Your Manners
“Mothers teach you manners,” Madonna has observed. “And I absolutely did not learn any of those rules and regulations.” She is referring to her own rebellious childhood and how she wants to help ensure her own kids don’t go down the same route.
Madonna’s mom died when she was young and, as a teenager, she never saw eye-to-eye with her stepmom. Madonna believes that, by being a stable, disciplinary, and inspirational presence in her kids' lives, she can make sure they grow up into the well-mannered adults she wishes them to be.
Independence Is Expected
“We don’t get any handouts in my family,” Lourdes once told Interview magazine. “Obviously, I grew up with extreme privilege. There’s no denying that. But I think my mom saw all these other kids of famous people, and she was like, ‘My kids are not going to be like this.’ Also, I feel like if your parents pay for things, then it gives them leverage over you. I needed to be completely independent from her as soon as I graduated high school.”
It seems that, while Madonna is happy to pay to give her kids the best educational start in life, she wants them to learn how to stand on their own feet once they begin college life.
Choose Your Own Way
Following the Jewish Kabbalah discipline has been important to Madonna for many years and she wanted to ensure her kids knew what it was all about. Throughout their young lives, all Madonna’s kids were taken along to Kabbalah lessons and encouraged to understand the teachings.
Like most parents, Madonna may have hoped her kids chose to follow her own religious path, but she would never expect it. As each child grew older, Madonna made clear they were encouraged to find their own path in the world, whatever one that might be.
Mind Your Languages
Madonna believes that being able to communicate in more than one language is one of the most important abilities a person can have. The singer is a native English speaker but is also fluent in Italian and competent in both French and Spanish, and she wants her children to be able to do the same.
Lourdes is already fluent in French, after attending a French private school, and is able to speak both Italian and Spanish. Madonna’s other children are also on the path to being multilingual.
Make an Effort With Mom’s Boyfriend
It seems the strict rules Madonna had about her son’s not meeting Guy Ritchie’s girlfriends are not applied the other way. In December 2019, Madonna began dating one of her dancers and has remained with them since.
Ahlamalik Williams is 27 years old, while Madonna is 63, which makes Williams closer to her children’s age than to the veteran singer herself. This might be difficult for some of the children, but Madonna is firm that they will respect her choice of lover. Whether they like him, or the relationship, or not, Madonna’s kids are expected to make every effort with Williams
Respect the Law
In the state of California, where Madonna lives with her children in the family’s LA mansion, smoking cannabis in your own home is legal. Madonna makes no secret of her choice to take advantage of these relaxed laws.
What Madonna allows her children to do at home is unknown but, when Rocco was caught smoking in London, where it is illegal, that was another matter altogether. “I love my son very much,” Madonna said after Rocco was caught. “I will do whatever I can to give him the support he needs.” Rocco was released on bail on the condition he undertakes a drugs awareness program.
Fashion Is for Adults
“My daughter is going through a phase of wearing jeans so tight she can’t bend her knees in them,” Madonna once said to British Elle. “I have a go at her and say, ‘Can’t you wear something else? You have a closet full of clothes and you wear the same pants every day.”
It’s a typical mom's response to her daughter’s experimenting with fashion, but it must be a bit difficult to swallow considering some of the outfits Madonna herself has been famous for wearing at various stages in her career.
Be Sure to Laugh
The rules in the Madonna house might be strict and, in places, even controversial, but that doesn’t mean there’s no fun to be had. “Humor is essential in teaching children,” Madonna believes. “Children have to understand that being a good person doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.”
That’s why laughter isn’t just encouraged while they’re at home, it’s a mandatory requirement. Just so long as it doesn’t happen while Mom is sleeping, obviously, there’s a time and a place for everything.
There Will Be Discipline, Whatever It Takes
As many kids do, Rocco Ritchie went through a severe rebellious phase during his teenage years. While Madonna is clearly in favor of people expressing themselves, she ranks discipline even higher. Madonna didn’t get to where she is without hard work and focus, and she expects the same of her children too, whatever it takes.
When Rocco acted up, Madonna threatened him with military school. Even though the threat was never carried out, it's believed to have been another motivation for Rocco to move out and live with his dad instead.
There Is a Favorite
Do you have siblings? How would you feel if your mom or dad told you they had a favorite? How would you feel if it wasn’t you? How would you feel if it was? At least a little awkward, we guess. Madonna isn’t afraid of that, although she has said Lourdes is extremely talented at “everything she does”, it's another child who Madonna will always favor.
“What [David] has more than anything is focus and determination,” Madonna has said. “I’m pretty sure he got it from me. He’s the one I have the most in common with. I feel like he gets me; he has more of my DNA than any of my children so far.”
You Can Do It All
In 2001, while still with Guy Ritchie, Madonna said, “meeting the demands of my career and those of parenting is a balancing act, but I’m able to do it with the help of my husband, my incredible staff, and the ability to go for long periods of time without resting.”
All very useful assets to have in a world like Madonna’s, but there was something else Madonna says she couldn’t have done without. “Multi-tasking and a steel-trap memory are also essential,” the singer confirmed. Madonna is passionate about this belief and has worked hard to instill strong multi-tasking skills in her children from birth.
Mom Can Do It All
“Just staying home and looking after my children and being a mother and a wife is not what I want,” Madonna has said. “I want more.” And she has certainly had more. Music, movies, recording, tours, business, travel. We only have one life and Madonna is determined to make the most of hers, and she will always do it her own way.
It’s important to Madonna that her kids understand and accept this and, no doubt, part of the reason she includes them as much as she can. Of course, there’s no reason to expect Madonna to think and act any differently. If she were a man, it wouldn’t even be questioned.
Answer the Question
Madonna has a simple rule for the children living in her home. If she asks a question, no matter what it is, it must be answered. This includes questions about homework, what a kid has eaten, where they have been, or anything else about their lives.
You could argue this is too invasive and kids should be allowed to have at least some privacy in their own lives. Or you could consider that this kind of mandatory openness will help towards a culture of honesty and trust. In the end, it doesn’t matter what any of us think, it’s Madonna’s house.
Think, Then Speak
One of the harshest lessons any famous person can learn is how the words you say affect the way people think or feel. Saying the wrong thing can be damaging to your reputation, harmful to your career, or hurtful to other people. Over the last fifty years, Madonna has learned these lessons over and over again.
Hoping her children can learn the easier way, through education, rather than through painful experience, Madonna has worked hard to make sure her children understand the power of the words they say and how they can impact the world.
My House, Your House
When two parents divorce, each will undoubtedly have their own parenting style and the rules in one house can become very different from those in another. From the start of her divorce proceedings with Guy Ritchie, Madonna was unwilling to accept this.
Madonna’s list of rules was committed to paper and Ritchie is expected to enforce each one with the same rigor as his iconic ex-wife. How much Ritchie follows this we’ll never know, but Rocco’s choice to switch parents is an indication that, maybe, things are a little more relaxed at Dad’s house.