David Miller and his wife, Jonna, had recently just gotten married when Jonna started having suspicions about her husband working very late at night. Maybe her husband felt unsatisfied with her, or perhaps he was just busy with a big project at work. Regardless of the reasons for David to be staying late at work, while Jonna was busy with the family laundry one day, she came across something while folding her husband's clothes.
She was thrown aback by what it uncovered about her husband’s late nights. This discovery was so shocking that it changed her whole outlook on her relationship. Read on to see what Jonna discovered...
A Special Thanksgiving Day
David Miller and Jonna are both in their 20’s and they began dating in October 2012. David asked Jonna to marry him a year later over a Thanksgiving dinner, with 25 people there. Because she was six months into her pregnancy that particular year, Thanksgiving was extra special.
The happy couple was overjoyed at the prospect of becoming parents and they felt like they were living a real-life fairy tale. In February 2014, they welcomed their daughter, Delanie, and three months later, the couple got married. The three of them were a complete family.
"Small Town Girl With A Big Mouth"
Jonna was raised in a rather small Indiana town. She often describes herself as “a small town Indiana girl with a big mouth.” Most of her time was spent roaming around the town and she would be busy “telling bad jokes and creating awkward situations.” It was during her childhood that Jonna discovered her sarcasm and humor, which would help her in the future when she would produce videos and web content.
She’s well known by her other name, “The Blunt Blonde”, as her social media name. Her Twitter “About Me” section makes her seem crude wherein she says “People think I’m always joking but I’m not. I’m genuinely an unpleasant person and hate everyone equally.” In one of her blog sites, she goes on to say, “If you haven’t caught on, I am fluent in English and Sarcasm."
Only Bow Ties Will Do
In contrast to Jonna’s upbringing, her husband’s childhood was quite different from hers. David was brought up in the Amish community.
On the big day of their wedding, all the groomsmen were wearing bow ties. She went to share on her blog, “When I picked out ties for the guys to wear, my husband carefully notified me from a distance, ‘They can only wear bow-ties.’ I stared. He said slowly ‘Amish people cannot wear ties.’ I exploded.”
Different but One and the Same
The Swiss-German Amish community that David belongs to prefers simple things in life and avoids modern technological advances.
The couple makes it work even though they grew up perversely different. Jonna says “Sure, we have different backgrounds but they say opposites attract and in our case, this couldn’t be truer. He’s calm, I’m a psycho. He knows how to drive a buggy, they let me drive a pony cart once and I almost crashed into a tree. He asks me how to get on Google, I get on the internet and run my mouth every day. I love my in-laws, I love my husband and dammit I may not be Amish but I’ve had it in me.”
Adjusting to New Habits
Despite David trying to adjust to his new "English" lifestyle, Jonna couldn’t help but be amused by the Amish habits that he is used to and this served as inspiration for her to write a blog post about these habits. The title of the blog post was “You can take a Man out of the Amish but…”
She goes on to share that before David and her met, she really knew little about the Amish: “All I really knew about them was that they made doughnuts that would slap your taste buds with happiness you’ve never experienced before.”
Not Your Average Blogger
Jonna shares many thoughts in her blog, both about married life with David and parenting. The blog is, however, not a normal mommy blog.
Jonna adds some spice in her blog with very funny self-deprecating humor and a lot of sarcasm. Her many blog posts will have you at the edge of your seat with laughter. To add to that, how many bloggers out there are married to an Amish guy? That’s what makes it unique.
A Multitasker at Heart
Jonna stays home parenting and is also a housewife. Although she cares for their daughter at home, she still finds time to keep her blog and her online presence up to date.
Jonna considers it the perfect circumstance for a blogger, she can spend time with her daughter and still work at the same time.
Fairytales Aren't Always True
David works long hours at an RV dealership nearby. Even though David often comes home later than he plans, Jonna accepts that her husband works late.
Rather confused about the situation, Jonna shares that she feels lonely at times and doesn’t know what to do with herself. Many stay-at-home mothers can relate to her on this. Unfortunately, contrary to popular belief, marriage isn’t as glamorous as it’s made out to be, people don’t ride off into the horizon and live happily ever after.
She became transparent with her blog followers about her situation in December 2015. She went on to write, “I’m married to a hard-working man and I would be lying if I said that it didn’t take a toll on me. Sometimes he will come home after a long day at work and I’ll be waiting for him to walk in the door, so I can yell ‘you promised me you would be home at five!’" She knew that it was out of his control, as he would rather be spending time with her and their daughter than working.
The real situation was different from what Jonna envisioned her fairy tale married life to be like. Even though he wasn’t 30 years old yet, her prince charming had “rough, cracked hands and crows feet”.
Blunt And Crude
She continued on to say, “I’m putting him in a lose-lose situation. He literally can’t win. If he doesn’t work late, we won’t get the new furniture set that I have to have. If he does work later, he comes home to a nagging wife who is desperate for his attention.” She goes on again, adding, “I am so selfish in our marriage and I know that. But, every once in a while, I’ll have my little ‘A-ha’ moment that gives me a sense of understanding.”
Her blog posts are often so real and very relatable. She goes straight to the point and doesn't paint a perfect picture, which comes across as quite admirable.
He's Always Late From Work
One day, on a Wednesday evening, Jonna played with dolls on the floor with Delanie and once again, had been waiting for David to come home even though it was quite late. David’s dinner was in the fridge for him to eat when he finally came back home.
She heard the clothes drier come to a cycle stop while waiting for David to come home. Her plan was to take her mind off of David's late arrival but try as she might, Jonna's mind was running wild with theories.
Thoughts and Discoveries
In a blog post, she explains to her followers that she started thinking, “Why does he not want to spend time with me? We’re newlyweds, aren’t we supposed to be in the honeymoon stage?” After folding, Jonna was getting ready to put the clothes in their respective closets, and she placed her and David’s clothes in different piles. That’s the moment she noticed something different about their clothing.
Until just then, she had never really noticed anything like this before. She went on to share with her followers what exactly was going through her mind, “Why did my clothes look so vibrant, clean and new? His were dingy, stained and torn.”
Everything Isn't Always As It Seems
Jonna couldn’t quite recall David ever buying new clothes. She came to the realization that her husband was sacrificing quite a lot for her. Having come to this realization, Jonna says that she immediately became filled with thoughts and feelings of guilt.
Her husband was making do with old and shabby clothing while she let him buy her fancy new clothes. She felt even angrier that he was never there when in reality he was working hard to provide for and take good care of his family.
Feelings of Guilt
She writes, “I get spoiled with the fruits of his labor and he is okay with a pair of torn boxer briefs. I was acting as if he was out partying with his friends, but his laundry told a completely different story.”
We might not all go through the very same experience, but the underlying message in her discovery is something that everyone can understand and relate to. We are often so engrossed in our own problems and cooped up in our own minds that we don’t even realize the sacrifices our loved ones make for us.
He Has Hard Choices to Make
Having seen the clothes, Jonna also came to the realization that it wasn’t just her husband’s clothes that had suffered hardships.
Just take a closer look at the two of them together, the bond they share. Does David seem like he’d rather be away from his daughter? Absolutely not, he definitely seems like he wants to spend every single minute with his wife and daughter.
Overworked to the Bare Knuckles
David was having trouble coping with his physically difficult work. His hands were in bad shape, with blisters and cracks.
Probably overworked and drained from his long day at work, he often just skipped dinner or went to bed early because he was tired.
Coming Home to a Happy Family
Jonna noticed that David actually didn’t look fazed by the late nights at work.
She shares with her readers that, “His heart is full when he walks [through] the door and our daughter runs for him excitedly yelling, ‘Dada!’ His dreams have come true of being able to be a man and provide for his family. He has everything he has ever wanted in life.”
The Laundry Taught Her a Lesson
Jonna made a promise to herself to become a better wife just after coming to the realization that her husband's sacrifice was for the financial security of their family.
She decided to make an effort not to complain about her husband coming home late from work. Her experience with the laundry served as a reminder that her husband was out making big sacrifices for the benefit of the whole family.
Delanie Is Their Main Priority
She goes on to write, “Sure, I miss him and want to spend time with him throughout the week, but I have realized he is offering me the most beautiful form of love there is… He works to give our family everything we need. He works so his wife and daughter don’t go without, even though there are times I’m sure he does.”
The couple came to an agreement that the most vital aspect is that their daughter has everything she needs. David would further add to that, saying that Jonna’s happiness was also very important to him. As the saying goes “A happy wife, a happy life.”
Some Advice for the Ladies Out There
For other wives that find themselves in a similar, lonely position while their partner is hard at work, Jonna has some advice.
Her blog post comes to an end with her suggesting a new and advanced way of dealing with such a situation. She concludes by writing, “If you have a hard-working man in your life and you can’t comprehend how much he loves you… Do his laundry.”
A Misunderstood Community
Jonna shares in one of her blog posts, titled “I’m not Amish but my Husband is”, how David and her met and about him introducing her to his parents for the first time. She also remembers that she had funny assumptions about the Amish community before getting to know it a little better.
She candidly recalls and shares with her readers that the first time David brought her home to meet his parents, she was surprised to find that they had lights in the house.
The Rebellion Begins
Although her husband’s background is quite interesting, he isn’t solely what she writes about in her blog. She also writes a lot about both her daughter, Delanie, and parenting in general. She wrote a lot about Delanie’s terrible two’s in 2016. Toddlers begin to rebel against their parents when in this stage of child development.
These experiences formed the foundation for most of Jonna’s hilarious content. She goes on to describe it as a “phase where your child is anything but cute, sweet and adorable. It’s like I’m in another dimension, or maybe even on drugs. What is happening? Did I just do drugs? Do I know any drug dealers? Should I do drugs?”
Cinderella Welcomes Delanie
Delanie is now almost four years old and she’s way past the terrible twos. We can all agreed that parenthood is quite a difficult task, but Jonna and Delanie seem to be making the best of it by creating cherished memories together.
Delanie was indeed taken for a trip to Disneyland by David and Jonna to meet Cinderella, a trip that Jonna made sure to document and later share on Facebook.
A Few More Nights at Work for the Good Of the Family
Delanie was excited and Jonna probably enjoyed seeing her daughter so happy. Jonna recalls that Delanie was a bit shy at first, but then her face was full of excitement when she got to meet the Disney princess, Cinderella.
And it goes without saying that David must’ve had to work a few more late nights in order to afford the trip for all three of them, which was obviously something he was more than proud to do for the happiness of his family.
She Found Out Her Husband Was Talking to Girls on Tinder
When people choose to get married, they combine these unique personalities to create a special, one-of-a-kind marriage. As each person in the marriage develops throughout life, they introduce unique challenges.
Most couples try their best to overcome the bumps in the road along the way, but what happens when your husband tells you that he has a girlfriend in addition to you as his wife?
A Perfect Marriage... Almost
When Mary met her husband, she fell head over heels in love. The pair just clicked, and she was excited about spending the rest of her life with her newfound partner in crime.
Setting the idea of polygamy aside, Mary dedicated herself to her new family. Mary admits that she has never been someone to fully understand the concept of monogamy. For as long as she can remember, most of her adult relationships have involved some level of openness. Their committed relationship didn’t only involve the two of them. Her husband came as a package with three kids whom she chose to love and dote on. As far as Mary was concerned, her life was as vanilla and picture-perfect as they come.
Although, knowing her husband’s desires, she should have known that her life was far from cookie-cutter.
Her Husband Has a Unique Way of Identifying Himself
Mary’s story is the perfect example of how “there’s more to what meets the eye”. From the outside, Mary and her husband appear to be a fairly normal couple, raising children. However, Mary should have known that her life wouldn’t be normal from the moment that she met her now-husband.
When she first met him eight years ago, he identified as a “queer, nonbinary person with a disability”. He was aware that she was not okay with long-term monogamy, but that was a bridge that they would cross when they got there.
Their Quick Commitment
The pair met eight years ago and enjoyed an instantaneous connection. Sure, they had their differences, but their similarities far outweighed any foreseeable challenges. However, there was one issue that led them to speed up the process of marriage, and it's not what you'd suspect.
Six months after meeting, the couple decided to tie the knot. There was no denying that they loved, supported, and understood each other, but their reason for making it legally official was actually for health insurance purposes.
There’s Nothing Like Health Insurance to Bring People Together
Mary explains how her husband’s disability propelled them to speed up their marriage. In her own words, “My husband was a single dad of three kids, and while I’m sure it seemed reckless, we fit together well as a unit of five and knew we would be together for a long time.”
Mary wasn’t wrong - they would be together for a long time. But she was wrong about one thing, and that’s the number of people that would be in their family.
Their Marriage Started Out Normal
Their marriage started in the same way as it does for many other couples. The honeymoon phase reignited the passion and romance in the relationship and once that dissipated, the adjustment phase began.
At first, the couple spent their days together finding their feet being married. For Mary, her role with the children changed significantly as she became a parent to them. All of their energy was focused on building their family. This led to a very interesting decision.
Prioritizing Some Aspects Came at the Expense of Others
After getting married, Mary dedicated a lot of time to figure out how to be a good stepmom to her three stepchildren. This took a lot of energy and time, with very little leftover for any other priorities. This led her to make a very big decision.
Mary shares, “So we agreed to be monogamous for the time being ―but with the understanding that we were building the foundation for a relationship with some level of openness.”
Slowly Loosening the Parameters
Keeping in mind that the new couple was focusing the majority of their energy on building their family, there was very little left to explore Mary’s previous ideas of polygamy. She admits that the parameters of their relationship loosened slightly as time passed, but they still put their family’s needs first.
Occasionally Mary would hook up with someone else on vacation, but she admits that she didn’t have “the energy to do much more than that.” Even if an opportunity to hook up did arise, they promised that they’d check in with each other - but it never happened. And then something groundbreaking happened.
Their Family Grew to Six
A few years into their relationship, the couple had finally got into the groove of their new family. Mary had embraced the role of being a mother to her husband’s children and the couple finally had time to consider opening up their relationship - until Mary fell pregnant herself.
The couple was elated that they were pregnant with their own biological child, but they were also hit with a hard truth. Another baby would mean even less energy for dating outside.
Post-Pregnancy, Mary Was Met With Another Challenge
Giving birth to a child is not an easy journey - neither mentally nor physically. After carrying a child in your stomach for nine months, you give birth and are left to shed the extra weight while suffering through limited sleep and changing hormones.
Mary admits that she didn’t feel her sexiest after giving birth, so the fact that they were remaining monogamous worked out well. At this point in her life, her goal was to make it from one day to the next, and luckily she had the love and support of her husband.
Dating Was Put on the Back Burner
Just when Mary thought that their life was settling into a steady rhythm, their baby introduced a new dynamic - and one that demanded a lot of attention. Between the four kids, lingering health issues, and everything else, the idea of dating slid down the priority list. However, it wouldn’t stay that way for long.
Mary describes, “Luckily, babies grow up and need a little less tending, so in the past couple of years, we have had a little more capacity to date.” Yet neither of the pair did much about this capacity until Mary received a surprise one day.
Mary Was Met by Something Unexpected
Throughout these seasons in their marriage, Mary and her husband stayed strong and devoted to one another. They solidified their tight family unit and Mary had nearly forgotten about her prior interest in polygamy.
She describes how “It’s hard to understand our dynamic without understanding us, but my partner and I are extremely different people. He is a loving sweetheart who always wants to show me love. I, to be frank, am a slut who needs a ton of alone time. We work, and we work well.” But then one day her husband decided to do something that Mary did not see coming in her monogamous relationship.
Mary Discovered Something She Never Could Have Suspected
At this point, Mary had settled into her life and was fully focused on raising her children. Whenever she got the chance, she’d escape to her room for a little bit of alone time to refuel her energy.
Then one day, Mary found Tinder on her husband’s phone. Why would he have an active dating app without telling her about it? But that’s not all that she discovered, he was using the app to chat with other women in the area.
In One Instance, There Was More Than Just Chatting Involved
As it turns out, her husband wasn’t only chatting to other women, but he actually had plans to go on a date, with one woman, in particular, named Elizabeth. Upon finding this out, Mary was at a crossroads and not entirely sure how to react.
She describes, “It’s hard to understand for some people, but I was legitimately happy for him to go out and meet someone that he might connect with.” But regardless of this initial excitement, she was also left feeling very confused.
Mary Was Left to Wrestle With Her Confusion
Previously, Mary had been the most experienced of the two in the area of polygamy. Before they got married, they had come to a clear understanding that Mary did not want long-term monogamy. But their priorities had since shifted and the family had come first.
Now that her husband had broken the cycle and had disrupted their monogamous dynamic, Mary felt a little bit torn. She admits that he is a lot newer to polyamory and although he was on board with the idea from the start, he had only just “been dipping his toe into the dating pool at this point.”
Slowly, Mary Made Sense of the Situation
While Mary was dealing with being a new mother, her husband was messaging other women. And while Mary was fully supportive of polygamy, she couldn’t help but feel slightly strange about what was happening. However, she eventually made sense of the situation and learned to be fully supportive.
She says, “We love each other so much and have a lot in common, but like any two people, we can’t meet all of each other’s needs. I was genuinely encouraging for him to connect with someone with similar interests that I didn’t share.”
She First Thought It Was a Phase, But It Wasn’t
Mary was understanding of the fact that she is just a single person with lots of demands and couldn’t possibly meet all of her husband’s needs all of the time. As a result, she was supportive of him dating another woman, thinking that it would be a solution to filling the gaps.
But it was more than that. It’s been a year since Mary’s husband met Elizabeth on Tinder, and the relationship between them has only strengthened. Yet you won’t believe the impact that this love triangle would have on Mary.
Filling the Void Became a Long-Term Exercise
Mary and her husband have a very close relationship, so she understands that there are certain needs that she can’t fulfill. And that’s where Elizabeth comes in. She fills the void that Mary believes that she can’t fulfill 100 percent.
However, this void isn’t only emotional or mental. Mary admits to knowing that they sometimes have sex, but this doesn’t change anything about the relationship that she shares with her husband or how they feel about one another. But just how involved in their life would Elizabeth be? And how much can Mary handle?
One Date Led to Two, and Then a Year-Long Relationship
Although Mary is supportive of her husband having his needs fulfilled by someone else, she could never have anticipated how involved Elizabeth would come to be in their family. After a few dates, Mary had to admit that there was another woman on the scene - and she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Eventually, Mary met Elizabeth and was confronted with her husband’s mistress. Luckily, Mary believes that her husband has impeccable taste and the two women hit it off immediately. But then the cracks began to show.
The Challenge of Setting Boundaries
Elizabeth was on the fast track to becoming a permanent member of their family. After meeting her and realizing that she really likes her, Mary accepted this progression. Like Mary and her husband, Elizabeth is also queer with a disability and understands the family’s needs and what their lives entail.
Despite the smooth dynamic, Mary couldn’t fight the niggle of jealousy and a sense of entitled ownership of her home. After all, this was her family and she realized that there needed to be boundaries, but would Elizabeth abide by them?
There Was One Irritating Fact That Mary Couldn’t Ignore
At face value, Mary’s life was on the path towards her dream future. She had a loving, supportive husband, a beautiful child of her own, and had settled into the role of being a stepmother to her husband’s three children.
Even better, there was no pressure to meet the certain needs of her husband because another lovely woman was filling in the gaps. Her future of a polyamorous life was in sight, but why was she feeling the itch of jealousy?
The Jealousy Monster Rears Its Head
At the end of the day, Mary is still the wife of her husband, and Elizabeth will remain to be just the girlfriend. Although Mary admits to genuinely loving Elizabeth as a part of their family, she does sometimes struggle with jealousy.
She shares, “There are definitely times when the two of them are hanging out when I wish that I could be hanging out with my husband.” Luckily, these moments are few and far between - but they do still exist.
The Empty Spare Room Found a Permanent Guest
Eventually, Elizabeth had snuck her way into being an active part of the family’s daily life. Not long after Mary met her husband’s mistress, the kids were introduced to her. Although the children knew that their parents were polyamorous, this was the first partner that they had ever been introduced to, and it was a big step.
The fact that Mary and Elizabeth did not share a romantic relationship made the situation a little bit tricky. Deciding to put their kids first, the married couple insisted that Elizabeth spend a night or two per week alone in the guest room. This rule was implemented to avoid disrupting the kid’s routine. It also gave Mary some much-needed alone time with her hubby.
Eventually, Mary Had to Confront Her Feelings
Their family had developed a unique dynamic, and it needed a fair amount of attention to make work. Mary admits that she and Elizabeth are two peas in a pod which makes the situation a lot easier to handle. She says, “Elizabeth is a lot like me; we are both smart and opinionated and loud. As someone very committed to polyamory, Elizabeth also values direct communication.”
Mary decided that the only way to make sense of the relationship and the turbulent feelings that come with it is, to be honest when she needs alone time and to demand attention when she feels neglected by her husband. Mary also started using her voice in other ways...
Sometimes Crossing the Line Leads to Conflict
As with any close relationship, there are times of conflict. As Elizabeth began to spend more and more time at the house, the children found themselves under the guidance of three adults instead of two. Slowly, Elizabeth adopted a variant of the parenting role, and sometimes these expectations clashed.
For example, Mary admits to being happy for her 5-year-old to grab snacks whenever he’s hungry. However, Elizabeth is unhappy when he does so while she’s cooking, as it will ruin his appetite. Over time, Mary learned to voice her opinion when these conflicts arise, letting Elizabeth know that she is crossing a line.
At the End of The Day, There Is a Mutual Understanding
Despite the odd disagreement, and need to manage pangs of jealousy, the family has found a unique way of working things out. For example, when Elizabeth is cooking, Mary becomes less lenient on her snacking rules.
Mary admits, “The hardest part is noticing and acknowledging the different approaches and coming up with a solution that works for us. It helps that Elizabeth is good at respecting the fact that we are the parents, and I try to always remember that she has the best interests of the kids in mind.” Over the year, Elizabeth and Mary have come to be best friends.
The Perks of a Tri-Alliance
While there have been some challenges to overcome since Mary’s husband started seeing Elizabeth, there are also advantages. In many ways, having Elizabeth in their lives has made Mary’s relationship with her husband easier. For example, Mary admits to having more alone time with her husband than ever before because now Elizabeth helps to watch the kids if they want to go on a date - or even away for a weekend.
Although tensions can get high, the adults work together to make sure that they all get whatever it is that they need. Ultimately, Mary has overcome her jealousy to support her husband and his relationship with Elizabeth. Her thoughts have even developed to explore a new path, one that she hasn’t given much thought for a while.
Mary Thinks About Mirroring the Situation for Herself
With their polyamory home life doing wonders for their family, Mary has been giving thought to the possibility of going back into the dating pool herself - but not at the expense of her marriage. The couple was lucky with Elizabeth, but they understand that it could have been way worse with someone else.
Mary’s overall opinion on polyamory is that it is not a cop-out for a failing marriage, and it takes a lot of work that isn’t required in a monogamous relationship. She says, “Different things work for different people, and I really, really don’t care what other people do and don’t think others should care what we do.”
Once Again, Their Family Grows by One
More than a year down the line, Mary has come to see Elizabeth as a valuable part of her family. She views Elizabeth as both a sister and a best friend. They have ironed out their main differences and continue to keep an open channel of communication.
Mary comments that they will continue to take it day by day, but for now, her relationship with her husband and his girlfriend works for the family. And that’s all that matters.